From the Archives is a series of reposted articles from a previous iteration of The Lindeman Daily. There is more information about that iteration of the site in the About section, but the gist is that each post is a satirical news article sensationalizing the life of a college student/recent graduate. Most of these pieces are over 10 years old; some have aged like wine while others have aged like milk. And like aged wine and aged milk, they are probably more palatable when all mixed together. Enjoy!

Originally published May 13, 2011

This weekend the Princeton men’s crew teams will travel to Worcester, MA for the annual Eastern Sprints Championships. Participants from the Eastern Association of Rowing Colleges (EARC) gather every year to compete in the 65 year old event. Tommy Lindeman ’14 will accompany the teams to watch the races from the sidelines.

“It’s not ideal,” said Lindeman, currently sidelined because of a broken rib. “But I guess it’s just as good as actually racing.”

Lindeman has spectated at races since he was thirteen years old. “My brother [Jack Lindeman ’11] got into rowing in high school, and I was always dragged by my parents to his races. They were pretty boring, but the food was good.” Those high school races, which he watched for the next three years without ever participating in, were 1500 meters in length. Official college races, and even a few high school races, are 2000 meters.

“My first few years were a good introduction,” said Lindeman. “But these extra 500 meters are different. This is a whole different ball game. I’ll miss at least part of the race, no matter where I stand.” Due to the inconvenient scheduling of his high school races, Lindeman was only able to see one or two of his brother’s college events. He considers his first true experience to be one at the beginning of this season, during a scrimmage with Georgetown and Syracuse.

“It was a big shock,” Lindeman said of watching the scrimmage. “And then they went back out later that day for a few more shorter [race] pieces. Talk about ripping off the band-aid.” But it was good practice for this weekend, which features back to back races all day in the 1V, 2V, 3V, and 1F categories. “Eight races in a day sounds like a lot, but that’s because it is,” said Lindeman. “Maybe I’ll catch them all, who knows?”

Lindeman confessed he does not actually enjoy watching races. “I’ve been to Sprints once before,” said Lindeman. “It was during Jack’s sophomore year. I’m not sure how he did. I don’t think I even watched the race. Rowing races are 95% boring, 5% exciting.”

For Lindeman, the main draws are the food tent and the chance be to out in the sun. “I’m really hoping the sun’s out strong this weekend. I want to catch some rays, get a nice tan going.” He was also enthusiastic about the chance to “cram his face with food” and the prospect of “strutting around, macking on all the biddies.”

In between big sandwiches and steamy make-out sessions, Lindeman fully expects to watch at least a couple of the races. “I know it sounds like I’m more interested in the food and babes,” he said. “Well maybe I am, but I also really want my teammates to win. If my cheers, mixed in with the screaming of all the other spectators, can get them over the finish line faster, then I’ll cheer.” Lindeman later clarified, saying he has no proof, or even faith, that cheers make boats faster.

Lindeman will be joined on the sidelines by countless parents, coaches, and with any luck, some hot chicks. Racing begins Sunday morning.

“It should be fun; I hope it doesn’t rain,” said Lindeman. “Oh, and the boats too. I hope they do well.”